Michigan Fosters

Volunteer  

Give Today  

Category: Reunification

The Browers

Posted on by Tiffany Kraker

Featured in our April edition of The Ottawa Advocate

 

Braving the Hard Road.

 

 

Foster families rarely follow a straight path. There are blind corners and speed bumps, twists and tangles. Half the time the headlights are out and radio is blaring. Oddly, the oncoming traffic seems not to be trying to avoid collision, but at times, forcefully crash. And once the destination has been reached, or at least the destination for the day, the front tire is flat, battery has gone dead, and an extra passenger (or two or three) have appeared in the backseat.

Enter an afternoon of respite or a frozen pizza or 6 hours of uninterrupted sleep. Then, it’s back on the road at the crack of dawn. This is the path a foster parent chooses. This is the path Ross and Krista Brower have become accustomed to.

“The need is bigger than we could have imagined and we can’t look away.”                                                             – Krista Brower

    Having traveled this road for six years now, the Browers have traversed their fair share of hope and heartache and healing. “We knew it would be hard,” Krista commented, “but we could not imagine how hard it could be.” 
“We knew it would be hard,” Krista commented, “but we could not imagine how hard it could be.” 
    Licensed through Ottawa County DHHS, Ross and Krista have welcomed a total of ten placements over the years, one of whom they have adopted, but all of whom take up space in their hearts. Loving these children so fiercely has helped shape their biological kiddos, as well. Krista commented that this is one of foster care’s largest blessings. “When we started foster care, we were worried about the impact it would have on our kids, and instead, I could not be more grateful for the way it has grown each one of them. It has helped us focus on what is truly important.” 

   Throughout their journey, Ross and Krista have been fortunate enough to witness successful reunification and have worked to build sustainable relationships with their foster children’s parents. The Browers have seen the amazing results that develop when foster parents and parents in care truly come together.

   Krista says their intentional efforts to connect with one of their foster children’s parents in particular “started us on a really good path with [them]. We worked together for the eight months we had our foster daughter, and we felt so good about her returning when reunification happened. We are still in touch and love to hear about how well they are doing. It just felt like the whole experience was exactly how foster care is supposed to work,” Krista explained.

  Like so many foster parents, though, the Browers have also been swallowed by conflict and sadness over foster children they knew had to move on, children who would find greater success with a different family. Another child, one they cared for over a significant period of time, has been maybe the hardest lesson they’ve encountered along this road.

  “We loved our foster daughter for the two years that we had her. However, it became clear as time went on, that she was not meant to be in our family forever,” Krista said. For foster parents, these intersections of life come with no roadmap to reveal what futures lie ahead. There are midnights laden with questions, prayers for clarity or closure, and guilt that threatens to hold foster families in its grip indefinitely.

“that was still the hardest decision we have ever made,”

 
   “There were so many signs that it wasn’t right, but that was still the hardest decision we have ever made,” she continued. “We felt like terrible people and had an incredible amount of guilt. We know it was the right decision, but we struggled (and still do) with anxiety and depression because of that situation.” This is the reality of so many families who foster, and it is through sharing these struggles with one another that families can start to heal. The Browers have been courageous enough to open up about their journey, and through both counseling and confiding in others who have experienced similar grief, they are working through the recurrent pain. They understand the hurt that comes is a byproduct of all the love they have cultivated.

  Recently, this family has boldly stepped in to yet another unknown. After having put their license on hold after a difficult loss, the Browers were contacted to care for the sibling group of their adopted daughter. Again, the Browers made the hard choice and welcomed these small children, taking their household from five kiddos to eight overnight. This is no simple feat and the overwhelm that follows such a decision can be suffocating at times. However, the family is resolute and walks in to the giant task at hand day by day. “We tell ourselves, “We can do this today. Then, tonight, we will say, ‘We can do it tomorrow,’ but we could not do any of it without our foster community wrapping around us like they have.”

   After all the Browers have endured, it would be easy to understand if they chose to call it quits, to take a straighter path for a while or forever. Thankfully, for the children in their home and the ones who’ve come before, the Browers do not scare easily. They are firmly committed to families in care. “The need is bigger than we could have ever imagined, and we can’t look away,” Krista said.

““The need is bigger than we could have ever imagined, and we can’t look away,” Krista said.”

  And so, the Browers continue to face the blind corners and charge on ahead, certain in their call to keep moving forward, grateful for the community that gives them the strength to keep their wheels in motion yet another day. They choose to stay the path despite the bumps and bruises they know will come. “We can sacrifice our broken hearts if it means these children can experience love and safety,” Krista added, a conclusion with the power to reframe the world of foster care if only more people were as brave as the Browers.

____

By: Ashley Wirgau, Michigan Fosters

The Knopers

Posted on by Tiffany Kraker

Featured in our February Edition of The Ottawa Advocate

When
Reunification
is the reason.

 

 

When Brad and Leslie Knoper became foster parents through Arbor Circle four years ago, they had imagined the journey ahead would be a means to grow their family. Having witnessed their parents and other relatives tackle this extraordinary work, they watched these families expand through eventual adoptions, assuming their path would look similar. What the Knopers hadn’t foreseen, however, was how God would intervene to use them in ways they could not have envisioned.

“We originally saw foster care as a means to grow our family. Now we see it as a way God can use us to help others.”                                                                                  ~ Leslie Knoper

     As a foster parent, it can be easy to get caught up in the overwhelming number of children within the system. Grappling with the sheer magnitude of this need leads some families to stretch and multiply in ways that many aren’t equipped to handle. Anyone who walks this road encounters at least one foster or adoptive family driving a conversion van bursting with kids, and many of us stop (sometimes only momentarily) to wonder if our own family might someday look the same. While the forever expanding family is amazing, there are other families who choose to take a different route, one that is no less taxing or inspiring. The Knopers provide this type of foster home, a safe haven in which they focus on a single foster child at a time, pouring all they can into that one special kiddo.
“Each child deserves to be loved regardless of the hurt that we will feel when they move,”
     To date, the Knopers have fostered four children, the last two having found successful reunification with their mothers. While this is the central goal of foster care, we know this is not always how these stories end, and we acknowledge how conflicting emotions around reunification can be. “Each child deserves to be loved regardless of the hurt that we will feel when they move,” Leslie commented. Understanding this, the Knopers do all they can to support parents struggling to bring their families back together. Through both the mothers’ difficult work and their own, the bonus children who once filled the Knoper’s home were able to return safely to their own homes once again.
     “It was so beautiful to see these women overcome so much to fight to have their children back. And thankfully, we became friends with them along the way and continue to encourage them even after the cases closed,” Leslie explained. The formation of true relationships between foster families and families with children in care is arguably one of the most difficult aspects of this work, and the Knopers have found healthy ways to accomplish this necessary challenge.
     “We try to establish good boundaries and lots of communication from the beginning of each case,” they stated, often texting parents to keep them informed. “We pass along art work and school papers, so parents feel a part of their children’s daily life.” They also take steps to include Moms and Dads in those milestone moments like birthdays and holidays, providing it’s safe and has met agency approval. “In the final stages of the reunification process, we do the transportation for visits to build trust. We pray for them and encourage them. It’s so important that parents know we are on their team,” added Leslie.
“We try to establish good boundaries and lots of communication from the beginning of each case,”
     This month’s featured foster family depends on their own team of cheerleaders, as well, crediting their friends and family with supporting them through the ups and downs. The Knopers also herald the non-profit organization Mosaic as “a huge blessing” to their family by offering support groups, family events, book clubs and the clothing closet. “Don’t do it alone,” Leslie advises new and prospective foster parents. “You need support, encouragement and a community of family and friends to surround you. And some of these people need to understand trauma. Just being able to share with people who understand is priceless.”

     The Knopers are also grateful for the ways in which their family has grown through this process. The lessons of kindness, generosity, and understanding their two children have gained has been immeasurable, and the entire family has learned “how to really trust that God is in control.” Saying goodbye to each of the children that has become a part of their home has been difficult, of course, but the family knows they are called to do hard things as Leslie explained, “That’s why we keep saying, “Yes!”

____

By: Ashley Wirgau, Michigan Fosters